in which witness is borne: birds, politics, fiction and critical art theory

I Am Andrew Phillips' New Next of Kin!

Saturday, January 22, 2005
Now, I should mention to the more greedy of you that you might feel yourself becoming a little bit jealous of me as you read this post. If this should happen, I completely understand and promise not to hold it against you. Because who WOULDN'T be jealous of someone, like myself, who just inherited 12 MILLION DOLLARS?? And from the completely unexpected source of poor 1998 airplane crash victim Andrew Phillips. Thank God for the generosity of people like Mr. Cheng who recognize that in cases such as this, of unclaimed fortunes sitting idly in foreign bank accounts with no apparent next of kin of the deceased account holder, it is always better to find a needy individual such as myself to tie up the loose ends, rather than to needlessly sacrifice a large percentage of the money to taxes.
To Wit: I received this amazing luck in my email inbox this morning. May all your problems be solved in similar fashion one day. I love you all, i really do.
--mar mar

Mr. Jun Cheng,
Bank Of Korea,
16-1, Yoido-dong,
Seoul 150-873.

Dear Friend
I am Jun Cheng a manager of bills/exchange at the foreign remittance department of Hanivitbank. In my department, we discovered an abandoned sum of $44,700,000.00 (Forty Four Million, Seven Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only) in an account that belonged to one Late Mr Andrew Phillips an American, who died along with his entire family, on November 1998, in a ghastly plane crash. Since we got the information about his death, we have been expecting his next-of-kin to come over and file a claim as next of kin over his money because we can not release it unless somebody applied for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines.
Unfortunately, nobody has come forward to claim this money. It is based on this that some officials in my department and I have decided to establish a cordial business relationship with you, hence by contacting you. We want you to present yourself as the next of kin to Late Mr Andrew Phillips, so that the funds can be remitted into your account. Moreover, we do not want the money to go into the government account as unclaimed bills. The banking law and guidelines here stipulates that any account abandoned or is dormant for a period of years, is deemed closed and all money contained therein forfeited to the government treasury account.
Now, it is being speculated that the above sum will be transferred into the government account as an unclaimed fund on or before the end of this financial quarter of 2005, when nobody come forward to lay claims. The reason for requesting your assistance, is occasioned by, the fact that the deceased (Late Mr Andrew Phillips) was a foreigner, and we have access to his detailed bio data which you will hold as a weapon to present yourself as the next of kin to Late Mr Andrew Phillips.
The mode of sharing after a successful transfer of the money into your account, shall be 70% to my colleagues and I, for the role you will be expected to play in this deal, we have agreed to give you 25% of the total sum and 5% for the expenses we are going to encounter by the two parties in the course of this transaction. Therefore,you are expected to reply this letter indicating your readiness and interest to participate in this business. After receiving your reply, you will be communicated to with the exact steps to take. I expect your urgent response and I shall contact you for further discussion on this matter,to enable us conclude this transaction urgently without any delay or hitch. Please treat this business proposal as strictly confidential for security reasons considering my official position in Bank of Korea.
Personal Regards,
Mr. Jun Cheng

8:45 AM :: ::
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