the past week has felt ponderously, leg-draggingly heavy to me. Plagued by nightmares every night, wrecks of airplanes leaving me helpless on the ground, fights between me and shapeless dark things, desperate feeling but powerless to do anything.
The days are better though. Feeling the distance from family more acutely now that so many refugees's faces are in the news, seems strange to have entered this familial diaspora by choice when so many have no choice. Feels liberated and lonesome all at once.
How can so much sorrow be absorbed? The man next to me on the train this morning cried the whole 35 minute ride. His breathing was heavy, and then he was just sobbing. I did not look at him, just out the window, letting the 7:30am sunlight filter past me, I hoped, toward him. Who knows what made him cry? It doesn't matter. I felt weirdly grateful as I made my way to work, thanking the trees and the silence for making enough room for all of us.
It seems Like all all the sadness on the world ends up on city busses. Somehow the sadness is such that it can really tip you over. I dont know. I've found myself crying on busses for no real concrete reason. You'll clear this patch Mar, if at all possible try to take some moticum of comfort and pride in knowing that the struggle is part of who you are.By Abbyg., at 10:51 PM
mar-mar :: permalink